Today, Friday 19th June 2020, was supposed to be one of the biggest, most flamboyant, cathartic and stupidly happy days of my life. Today is the day I was supposed to graduate from University . I was supposed to put on one of those hired gowns that would inevitably be too big for my 5"2 body and make me resemble some sort of child dressing as a bat or a witch for a 90s Halloween party from that shop in Oxford city centre that I'm certain is older than America. I was supposed to be sporting a tiny black tasseled hat and get overly excited by the thought of launching it up in the air humming along to High School musical songs in my head, secretly praying it hits one of those girls on my course who have always inexplicably despised me ( the feeling was mutual). Today I am supposed to be happy. I am supposed to be free. Instead, I find myself crying over episodes of This Is Us and goggling hacks for the perfect way to reheat chip shop chips. Am I happy? I'm a world away from happiness but music, no matter what, always brings me a good few miles closer towards happy town.
With this in mind, along with Instagram inspiration from the graduate club (@thegraduateclub) I have peeled myself away from my wallowing long enough to piece together my graduate playlist.
 |
| Genie costume and an awkward fringe is a close second to a cap and gown right? |
Here it is:
Hey Look Ma, I Made It- Panic! At the disco
Just Like Heaven, The Cure
High Hopes, Panic! At The Disco
Don’t Stop Me Know, Mcfly
Bye Bye Baby, Bay City Rollers
If You Think This Is Real Life, Blossoms
Rain on me, Lady gaga, Ariana Grande
Lost In Yesterday, Tame Impala
Thnks Fr The Mmrs, Fall Out Boy
Ready For More, Sea Girls
11)Happy Man, Jungle
12) Busy Earnin’, Jungle
13) Anything Could Happen, The Academic
14) Is There Something That I Missed?, SPINN
15) Should I Stay Or Should I Go, The Clash (panic masters anyone?)
16) I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett And The Blackhearts
17) Sugar, We’re Goin Down, Fall Out Boy
18) Welcome To The Jungle, Guns N’ Roses
19) I Predict A Riot, Kaiser Chiefs
20) This Is Not The End Of The World, The Fratellis
21) Existential dread, Thundercat
22) Give Me A Try, The Wombats
23) Here Comes The Anxiety, The Wombats
24) I’m Still Standing, Elton John
25) So Far (It’s Alright), The 1975
26) Faith, George Michael
27) Thank U, Next, Ariana Grande
You'll see the emotional stages I've anticipated I will go through during graduation life;Pure celebratory relief, some imposter syndrome, rediscovering self confidence, facing self doubt again, unhappiness, anger, fear, anxiety, once again finding my feet and finally acceptance.
Although this playlist is designed from graduation I feel like just today alone, being surrounded by absolutely nobody who cares whatsoever that I am supposed to be frolicking around in a pretty dress pulling my cheek muscles so much from smiling, I have resonated with every single one of these songs (with the exception of busy earnin') in a seven hour period.
Bottom line: Yeah okay maybe some people don't care that their graduation ceremonies have been postponed for some period of time which at this point vaguely looks like a year and in all honesty I did not give a toss about things like prom or leavers assemblies but as someone who was bullied for a portion of University and went through slightly more the average toxic friendships as well as facing tough family adversities on top of that- my graduation meant a hell of a lot to me. It was all I dreamed of when an immediate family member was seriously ill and I was away from them, through tears I would muffle with the fabric of cheap Primark pillow cases which hadn't been washed for seven weeks I'd envision me stood with my family in my cap and gown; the first in my family to go to University. I imagined be proud of myself, something which at the time was a concept completely alien to me. That being said, It would be a disservice to myself and to my mental health journey if I didn't include some memories of my time at University that actually were positive so here they are...
Comments
Post a Comment