How i'm feeling going into third year
The chill, refreshing yet bitter air has returned, ankle boots are slowly but surely popping up and the conversational floor is becoming consistently dominated with discussions of further steps. Conclusion? Final year at uni has begun.
The summer was long, sluggish and have i said long? the break cleared my mind and gave me a new, far healthier outlook on myself and on my life which i think i was in dire need of to say the least. But, now autumn is here and i am currently nearing the end of my second week as a final year student. Gulp. I do have quite a lot of anxiety about this as admittedly when i would sit tests like GCSEs, As and A levels, even first year exams i could always suppress my anxiety with the coping mechanism of 'its okay, there are more steps to go, it isn't final year yet its okay if you mess up' but now how the heck do i cope? i have sabotaged myself.
What i like about returning to uni/school after each summer break is the structure. we go weeks on weeks, even months if you're at uni without really having a structure of 'be here at this time' or 'must have written 750 word by 9pm' so i would always gag for its presence in my life over summer. dont get me wrong, i fricken love lounging around in flimsy dresses in the garden with my golden Labrador and burying my face in books i'm choosing of my own accord and not a necessity as part of my literature degree. But, what can i say, I'm a true Pisces and deep down we crave the chaotic control of being busy busy busy.
So, I'll admit it, initially i was way more excited rather than anxious to start my final year. i found the prospect cool. But, now i am here my mind is changing every day. I already have lots of my plate, The deadlines are longer and for more intense assignments, more is expected of you, the classes are smaller and more focused and what on earth are we meant to be doing on dissertations? i went from one day simply re-reading the books and finding out i had lost one of them, casually making a few notes, watching some short youtube videos for a surface level of understanding of context to then finding out i have to be having regular meetings, i should be cutting down my research into a general question i want to ponder over for ten thousand words and of this, 3000 need to be written by the end of this semester. Thats the minimum.
Everyone is already so busy, people have stopped clubbing and reckless spending in Topshop so much. Some have decided they want to do a PGCE are applying now, others have no clue at all what books they are even doing their dissertations on or what the pre-seminar reading for the week is let alone any plans for after graduation. Some are already planning to move in with their boyfriends, some want kids within a couple years. Kids? that one is a mystery to me, are we not just kids ourselves?
A heavy pinch of stress has been added to the recipe for this years judging autumn air. A pinch i strongly preconceive will have turned into an unforgivable tornado by December.
The war of ourselves versus our futures has officially commenced.
see you out there, comrade.
The summer was long, sluggish and have i said long? the break cleared my mind and gave me a new, far healthier outlook on myself and on my life which i think i was in dire need of to say the least. But, now autumn is here and i am currently nearing the end of my second week as a final year student. Gulp. I do have quite a lot of anxiety about this as admittedly when i would sit tests like GCSEs, As and A levels, even first year exams i could always suppress my anxiety with the coping mechanism of 'its okay, there are more steps to go, it isn't final year yet its okay if you mess up' but now how the heck do i cope? i have sabotaged myself.
What i like about returning to uni/school after each summer break is the structure. we go weeks on weeks, even months if you're at uni without really having a structure of 'be here at this time' or 'must have written 750 word by 9pm' so i would always gag for its presence in my life over summer. dont get me wrong, i fricken love lounging around in flimsy dresses in the garden with my golden Labrador and burying my face in books i'm choosing of my own accord and not a necessity as part of my literature degree. But, what can i say, I'm a true Pisces and deep down we crave the chaotic control of being busy busy busy.
So, I'll admit it, initially i was way more excited rather than anxious to start my final year. i found the prospect cool. But, now i am here my mind is changing every day. I already have lots of my plate, The deadlines are longer and for more intense assignments, more is expected of you, the classes are smaller and more focused and what on earth are we meant to be doing on dissertations? i went from one day simply re-reading the books and finding out i had lost one of them, casually making a few notes, watching some short youtube videos for a surface level of understanding of context to then finding out i have to be having regular meetings, i should be cutting down my research into a general question i want to ponder over for ten thousand words and of this, 3000 need to be written by the end of this semester. Thats the minimum.
Everyone is already so busy, people have stopped clubbing and reckless spending in Topshop so much. Some have decided they want to do a PGCE are applying now, others have no clue at all what books they are even doing their dissertations on or what the pre-seminar reading for the week is let alone any plans for after graduation. Some are already planning to move in with their boyfriends, some want kids within a couple years. Kids? that one is a mystery to me, are we not just kids ourselves?
A heavy pinch of stress has been added to the recipe for this years judging autumn air. A pinch i strongly preconceive will have turned into an unforgivable tornado by December.
The war of ourselves versus our futures has officially commenced.
see you out there, comrade.
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